I'm mainly writing this piece as an affirmation. My personal life has been filled with so many ups and downs lately, and I find myself going with the motions just to make things simpler. Well, I can say with certainty that just "going with the flow" and bending to the whims of those around you do not make for a happy or healthy life.
One thing I've struggled with my entire life is saying "no". I've given up going to events, seminars, auditions, and trips just because I couldn't look the people who asked me to forego those activities in the eye and just say "no". I've gone to parties, religious services, family events (families other than my own), outings, been in relationships, and have worked on artistic projects that I knew were bad ideas from the start because I didn't have it in me to reject someone I care about.
So much of my time and my self has been lost because I felt like it wasn't okay to go against someone's requests or wishes.
These past couple of weeks, something in me has been changing. I'm realizing that it is okay to make space for myself. It is okay to tell someone 'no', whether it be for reasons personal, financial, work-related, and so on. One thing that us givers have to stop doing is giving to the point of depletion. If someone cannot take your 'no' in stride, then that person does not have your best interest at heart - it's that simple.
Ask them, "Why does my 'no' offend you?"
I have been wrestling with the concept of love and friendship and what they mean to me. One conclusion that I've drawn about these concepts is that they allow for space. Love and friendship are two peas in a pod, because they are born from the same mother - compassion. Compassion teaches us to part from the ego and release judgement, resentment, and possession over others. As humans, we should allow one another to move at the beat of their own drum. We should also learn to focus more on what times can be shared, rather than the times that cannot be shared. Just because I said 'no' does not mean I don't love you.
Today, I am making the pledge to just say 'no' more, and I encourage everyone else to make that pledge. We spend so much time trying to look good or seem cool in the eyes of others, that we neglect being honest with our selves. Saying 'no' from a place of core truth is some of the most honest we can be with our selves and with others. Don't let people who hate you for your 'no' make you feel bad for setting healthy boundaries.
You are not a bad person for saying 'no'. You are not less of a friend, sibling, mother, father, employee, manager, and so forth for saying 'no'. Most importantly, you are not a failure for saying 'no'.
Have you been true to yourself lately? When was the last time you said 'no'?
- K.