What's today? Well, as I'm starting to write this, it's August 14th. Wow.
Okay, so, it's been a whole month and a half since I left my 9-5 in midtown Manhattan. A year ago, I never would have thought that I'd be able to be sitting at my kitchen table desk at 11am on a Tuesday, writing a blog about how I'm in the middle of producing my first web series.
When I first moved to NYC four years ago, I was pretty one-track minded. I wanted to come out here and act. Dassit. Did I have an honest game plan? No. I just figured the fact that I was cute and talented would work heavily in my favor. What I wasn't prepared for was the setbacks, the gatekeeping, the disappointments, the dud gigs, and the stress. Whew lawd, the scress, chile..
Anyway, since the life of an actor is so full of ups, downs, and other general inconsistencies, I went ahead and found myself a little jobby job that I thought would be just what I needed to make a steady income while I worked on chasing my dreams. I don't even think I originally intended to stay for as long as I did. Fast forward a few years and a whole promotion - I became restless, complacent, and low-key depressed. Having this full time job was consuming a huge part of my life - a part that I probably should've spent in classes and at way more auditions than I had been going to. Don't get me wrong, I booked plenty of "after-work" gigs with some print modeling shoots peppered in, but none of that was nearly enough fuel to get me out of that office chair and into the life of being a full-time performer. I needed a change of direction, and I needed it quickly.
In April 2018, I submitted my official resignation, after going back and forth with myself for an entire year and a half about whether or not I should take the leap. And hell yeah I was scared! I didn't want to resign just to regret the decision immediately after, and I didn't want anyone to resent me for leaving the company. These people had become like family, and I felt like I was letting them down. I felt like leaving that job meant that I would fail elsewhere because I was a key player who was hanging them out to dry, so to speak.
(Psst. I totally know that all of those are harmful things to think. Those were honestly thoughts that manifested as a result of some residual, unresolved trauma from when I left a very toxic relationship. I've since forgiven my ex, but those words still bothered me for a long time after they were said and still have a tendency to creep up on me every now and again.)
With time, though, I was able to shake off all that doubt and allow myself to be excited for what was to come. The opportunity came for me to fully commit to taking all of my acquired talents and working freelance. I finally had time to work on bringing my web series to life, and I couldn't be more grateful. I took a risk in order to actually work on living my best life, and I haven't regretted it one bit.