I was recently blessed with the opportunity to read What I Know For Sure by Oprah Winfrey, which is basically this delightful, easy read written in the spirit of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.
A dear friend of mine (and secret mentor - because she clearly isn't aware of how many notes I take from her life and experiences) let me borrow her copy of What I Know For Sure yesterday, and now I'm pretty much finished with the book! I must say, I had forgotten what it was like to read a piece of literature that wasn't a play or a fiction novel. Reading Oprah's sincere words of wisdom shifted my perspective and helped me to see that I have been everything except my own source of fulfillment lately.
Now, before I continue, this totally isn't a plug or me trying to get you guys to run out and buy this woman's book. What it is, however, is my personal testimony to how the words flew off the pages and landed somewhere on my heart. In less than 24 hours, I understood my need for a major attitude adjustment. While reading, there were several points where I found myself deeply saddened by what I have become - a cog in the system. I live in NYC, the capitol of hustle and bustle. Yes, I do have the opportunity to perform in productions, to audition for unique projects, and take a stroll in the park every once in a while. What I realized by reading WIKFS, though, is that I don't take the time to truly experience the activities in which I engage myself. Here I've landed with the realization that I have allowed my constant state of autopilot to strip the joy from my work! I no longer feel the vigor that comes with being an artist in the city.
NYC - Brooklyn, specifically - has been my home for over a year. I have moved several times, gone through three full-time jobs, participated in four theatrical productions, written three monologues for myself, and begun to write a short film - along with so many more magnificent happenings that have made my time here meaningful. With all of that under my belt, you'd think I have this profound appreciation for life and its mystery. You'd think I'd be this chipper little cherub, content just to have made it through such glorious times and turbulent times - eagerly moving toward the future. Unfortunately, despite all that I have survived, not once have I allowed myself to relish the individual moments. I never allowed myself to find the joy in what I did. As I should be feeling accomplished, grateful, and excited for what's to come, instead I find that I mostly feel exhausted, trapped, and anxious. I continued to seek constant fulfillment in the form of signing with a major agency or booking a gig that will make my debt vanish in the blink of an eye, but fulfillment isn't something that you can get from other people, copious amounts of money, or even a large apartment. You have to create your own fulfillment by actively altering your perspective from within. To be alive, physically well, and in your right mind is to be blessed
So, here I am, sitting at my work desk... writing a blog post and slowly enjoying a cup of peppermint tea in my brand-new I <3 NY mug. I explicitly carved a space for myself today to breathe and share my experiences, despite being bound to my accounts job until 5pm. I've realized that fulfillment is something that I've always had access to; it's always been in arm's reach. I've just been much too focused on my frustrations to realize the blessings that I literally receive on a daily basis. So what if I haven't been on Broadway or booked a feature... yet? So what if I have a 9-5 that isn't in my ideal line of work? So what if I'm not the richest person I know? I am fulfilled simply because I have taken the leap to do what I love in the craziest city in America, and I want to continue to fulfill myself by actively working toward my true purpose in this life. I am fulfilled because I am using this time in the dugout to create the most powerful platform for myself.
What I want is to continue to be my own source of fulfillment by always putting myself first and letting God clear the path to my success.
I encourage you all to find fulfillment from within! It truly makes life so much more bearable.
- K.